1. |
The Canyon
05:01
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THE CANYON
i don't want anything to do with anything divine
no penitence, no patience, no design
no creation, no decline
i don't want any good to come from all my disbelief
no silver-lined exceptions, no reprieve
no redemption, no release
every lie has its disciples
so maybe i’ve been too devout
but do you count yourself a casualty of a drunken god's mistakes
when they were always yours to make?
free will isn't free but we all pay a different price
and i’ve got nothing but my morals left to sacrifice
if i can’t empty out my sentences before i die
then i’ll be wearing out my welcome in the afterlife
every mountain bears its fortune
but i don’t climb except for you
but do you count yourself a casualty of the shadows of your past
when they were always yours to cast
it's hard work having a soul
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2. |
Bask
03:51
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BASK
i got swallowed in statues
of words i haven’t said yet
if there's a method to madness
tell me what's the next step
tell me, tell me
i’m telling lies about myself
to myself
i do it well
i’m telling lies about myself
to myself
don’t let me out
in my head there’s no savior
but i’m the first apostle
if there’s some secret to sleeping
spare me all that gospel
spare me, spare me
i’ve been stealing from myself
for as long as i can tell
am i just a conversation
between my pride and patience,
not worth the hell i’m raising?
‘cause i must’ve missed salvation
in twenty different places
well i should’ve stayed mistaken
where do all the lost minds go?
where do all the lost minds go?
where do all the lost minds go?
where do all the lost minds go?
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3. |
Sundials
04:13
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SUNDIALS
there's nothing harder to say
than that prayer we scripted and stored away
it must've told me to stay
but i was sprinting for some day
so i’m falling victim to something
i didn’t believe in
after all this time
and i said
i don't want your fury
but i don't want this fear
that’s pinning me here
'cause i’ve heard suffering is easy
as long as you're still free
so where does that leave me?
there's nothing deeper than doubt
and mine was fighting to make a sound
you must've wrestled it out
but you swore that you didn't know how
so i’m compromising to something
i couldn’t believe in
even though i’ve tried
i’ve been staring up at the sun
waiting for the answer to come
i’ve been staring up at the sun
looking for a reason to run
thought every fire was a signal to me
lighting the way to what i wanted to be
but i was sinning for the opposite team
wondering if i could outlive my belief
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4. |
Birdless Cage
05:35
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BIRDLESS CAGE
did you see the barren peaks
did you see the searing heat
did you see the birdless cage
that you have become?
did you see servitude
did you see the shoulder length hair
that lent all its radiance
to somebody else?
you stormed out of who you were
to follow her
those moments you could not hold
still held you
your pretense, your nightingale
you can't unveil what you are
did you bear your innocence
as sorely as i did my guilt
did you ever forgive yourself
for shedding that pain?
did you love her honestly
did you love her approximately
saying “oh what a privilege
to feel incomplete”?
so what's this for?
you stormed out of who you were
to follow her
those moments you could not hold
still held you
your conscience, your nightingale
you can't exhale yourself
if i’ve held out
for you holding me sinfully
was that sinful of me?
and if you want me
to waste all your precious time
you can waste all of mine
and i won’t lie
any more than you ask me to
i’m just asking for you
and i’ll be fine
if we never wake up from this
if we never wake up from this
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5. |
Mitama
04:14
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MITAMA
there's something crawling
through your bloodstream that you loathe
but you don't know its name
the kind of wound that you can't feel until you see
that's what you are to me
so i'm a sinner on a hillside taking vows
but i don't know what for
‘cause i'm ascetic ’til i see your open eyes
so i keep an idle mind
i was singing in the darkest tones
that i could conjure up
'cause you were luminous
but you were out of sight
you were lost in light
but you keep saying that you're jealous of my dreams
'cause you don't know them all
there's something telling me to serve a fallen saint
guess he survived the fall
so i'm a sinner on the east side of the dawn
i'm always in the night
i was looking for the closest calls
so i could just survive
'cause it was cavernous
until i came outside
and i was lost in light
but how they polluted you
just to draw you close
i must have been the stone
weighing down your robes
so if we're switching sides
god forbid you grow
'cause you'd unravel me
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6. |
Dialogues
07:13
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DIALOGUES
i've been saving up for your soul
as long as i can recall
just needed something to tend
’til the fiery end
but every time i give up my foothold
to move toward that light
i get darker inside
i just wanted to be necessary
didn't matter which purpose i served
you’ve been growing into the chains
of a future you couldn’t claim
must’ve shackled your wrist
to the chances you’d missed
‘cause everything you wanted
just came through and grazed you
and left without leaving a mark
if we’re all meant to be mercenaries
does it matter which spirit we serve?
but god i’m still circling through
the dialogues i could’ve had with you
cause you envied me for my mortality
’til it captured you too
in that cold moment after
my shoulders were shattered
i fell prey to your voice
god i’m still suffering through
the dialogues i didn’t have with you
but i envied you for your sanity
until it fell upon me
you just needed to be a tributary
didn’t matter which river you served
if we’re all meant to be temporary
does it matter which lessons we learn?
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7. |
Northern Orthodox
04:03
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NORTHERN ORTHODOX
socratic altars offering me
this overturned astrology:
"commune with me before you get free"
but death it caught you in a bad mood
didn't matter that it wanted you
don't bother asking “what would jesus do?”
'cause you'd never give it up that soon
your goddess broke out from the rocks
your bloody northern orthodox
it's arching over all that i've come across
but it's not the kind of ceiling that you'd want
'cause i'm sure that i'm the one that all this bitter ash is falling for
but i'm falling for it too, yeah that's my station there's no changing it
the one religion i could fit into my pocket so i'm saving it
and i won't fold until it's done
i won’t fold until i’m done
death it caught you in a bad mood
didn't matter how it pulled on you
don't bother asking “what would jesus do?”
'cause you'd never give it up that soon
i prophesized you until you came true
not gonna bleed through until i have to
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8. |
Colored Out
04:16
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COLORED OUT
i was aging
in the wrong direction
heading uphill
to the shrine you slept in
i can see you rising
through the haze of morning
breaking up my virtue
i was meant to break against you
if we're all pretenders
what the hell’s the truth for?
i was always caught in yours
but now it’s colored out
i'm a strangled stone
i'm a churchless reverend
i'm a charcoal burned
into something different
so i'm trading out
all the woolen blankets
for a fevered pride
'cause there’s no one to collapse beside
it’s always an iron age
but could i choose my cage?
and is there something to believe in
when i wake?
‘cause there’s always another step
and you can’t see it yet
but i know something’s coming soon
to cause a wreck
if we're all pretenders
what the hell’s the truth for?
i was always caught in yours
but i got colored out
my hands were flames
keeping you safe
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9. |
Ore
04:15
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i was laid across a trembling ground
waiting for the cold unsettling sound
it sprung out like a serpent, wailing and frayed
it’s something god did not create
living as the captive i could’ve been
praying to the claws transfixing my skin
pulling at a pair of mountainous teeth
until they emptied of ferocity
dark red earth up to my rib cage
was keeping me down
they wrote me onto the wrong page
i’m sure of it now
vengeful ancestral commotion
is bleeding me out
but i’ve got one dose of devotion
and it’s under the ground
paralyzed
colonized
fossilized
carbonized
broken like a truce i made with myself
taking any ache my head could’ve held
i’ll be at the edge accounting my sins
when that final threshold drags me in
you were in a field of blistering stone
telling me you’re out of oracle bones
and i’ve made a peace
that i thought i couldn’t have known
i’ve finally given my demons
room to get up and grow
if i was born again without a name
would i be wise enough to stay that way?
if i’m a gardener of shattered minds
would i be wise to fall asleep in the vines
and be a sentry for god’s darkest designs?
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10. |
Worry If You Want (Yume)
05:54
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there's no path you couldn't choose
honey don't be fooled
yeah that's something you knew in your stomach
but it still never rang true
there's some eyes that never close
there's some doors mine won't
like the caverns of fear in your spirit
that you wanted to call home
so i said “worry if you want”
i won't tell you that the bad luck's gone
i won't tell you that i solved your flaws
i won't tell you that there's something
to believe in at all
there’s no day that’s gonna dawn
where you’ll wake up gone
when you grow into that infinite nothing
you won’t know that you’ve passed on
so i said “worry if you want”
i won't tell you that the canyon's crossed
i won't tell you that you can't get lost
i won't tell you that there's someone
to believe in at all
you scaled all that stone
just to retrieve your ghost
but you grew a new one
with more savage beauty than you could’ve known
and all the change you fought
fell to the freeing thought
that we all die every fucking day
so you can worry all you want
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